Rebutting Resolutions

I’ve always hated January.

This is probably because Christmas is my favorite holiday—while I do not love the militant Christians who sometimes come out to play this time of year, I do revel in the lights and the decorations and the food. I like that time seems to slow down in December; no one rushes to finish things, because, hey, we’ll do that after the holidays.

January, however, stands in stark contrast to the freedom and frolic of December. January’s like a month full of Mondays, reminding us that we did not accomplish any of the things we set out to do last year. January is judgmental and all about setting goals and resolutions that we won’t achieve this year, either. It’s like that mean old aunt who’s just been waiting for her turn to remind you that you are still as fat and unaccomplished as you were 12 months ago. And are you going grey as well?!

January is also the month of poor parking and poor sales. When I was a regular gym-goer, I HATED the first 2 weeks of January because I could never find a parking place at my gym.

Also, in December, ANYTHING you could EVER want was on sale. In January? Only fitness crap and diet food. January is the month of celery.

Your whining is futile; you will be assimilated.

But here it is, January. Again.

In December, I decided to just consider trying to find the good in January, to actually see it as a clean slate instead of an opportunity to fail. (Again.)  Because it was coming, whether I liked it or not.

So I started with a Winter Solstice ritual. Yeah, I know. I’m only slightly hippie and mostly Woo, I am not really a dancing-naked-under-the-moon kind of gal. (At least, not yet. I mean, let’s see what Authentic Self has to say about that. I AM hoping that bitchy gives way to something more zen.)

But, y’all, it was AMAZING. As part of this ritual, you “harness” the darkest day of the year, a time of quiet reflection, by looking back on what has occurred. You celebrate your successes, honor your surprises, and really face your failures.

And then you take each of your failures and work the hell out of them. (Ahem, literally.) For each of the big ones (you’re supposed to do this for all of them, but I wrote down a lot of stuff and ain’t nobody got time for that), I wrote out what my Inner Mean Girl says about the situation and what my Inner Wisdom says about the very same thing.

Words came out of me that felt EXACTLY right, but that I had no idea were in there. I actually learned a lot about myself and the motivations of other people just by inviting my Inner Wisdom to weigh in. It was transformative.

Next, you’re supposed to spend time telling all the failures goodbye and celebrating your successes and surprises and turning those into things in the new year, and. . .yeah, I didn’t do that either. (I mean, come ON. I had things to do and shoes to buy and stuff. It was December, after all.)

But it was an amazing way of gaining a new perspective on parts of the year, and I highly recommend it. I bet it could still be powerful if you are looking for a way to say goodbye to 2014 or if you also hate January and would like to pretend it’s still magical December.

A month of better feelings

My copy of the Desire Map.

My copy of the Desire Map.

I’ve also been Desire Mapping. I figure since I love Danielle LaPorte and her social media posts, I should read at least one of her books. I’ve also recently been reminded of just how much I hate setting goals at work. (Probably because they feel a whole lot like resolutions—either they are stupid things you’re going to do anyway, or they are the unreachable dream. Goals and resolutions are both dumb.)

So I’ve been working through a big, fat process of setting goals based on how I want to FEEL, not what I want to ACCOMPLISH. The idea is that we want to accomplish things because of how we think they’ll make us feel and not for the goals themselves. (When I lose 20 pounds I’ll be attractive, when I get that promotion I’ll be powerful, when I get married I’ll be truly accepted for who I am, when I get that raise I’ll finally be safe, etc.).

Instead, you desire map to decide how you want to feel and choose what you do based on that.

I have set five Core Desired Feelings for 2015, which are:

  • Fierce – powerful (full of might, strength) + clarity (the quality of being clear); commanding.
  • Luxurious – luxury, pleasure, great abundance
  • Flow  – State of fluidity
  • Radiant – Beaming with heat or light
  • Connection – The state of being connected to or with likeminded Ninjas of Love

I’ve hit some stickier situations now, though, because I’ve been trying to define the actions that will help me feel those feelings this year, and I’ve only come up with a few, which include things like:

  • Wear clothes that feel good on and that I look good in.
  • No more playing small (I’m embarking on a year-long mentorship to help me with this, but that’s another post for another time).
  • No more restricting what I eat; food is pleasurable, and I want to enjoy it.
  • See my group of Wayfinders and talk to them more often.

I like to think of these as INTENTIONS rather than goals or resolutions. This is partially because I loathe resolutions and partially because this seems more plausible. I intend to do them, but if things happen and I change my mind, no big deal. Intentions are fluid because, well, LIFE. I mean, January happens, you know?

I intend for 2015 to be awesome

My new calendar.

My new calendar.

Perhaps I am the only one whining about January, but I am still kicking butt. I have already managed to fill out and put up my 2015 calendar (something I don’t normally achieve until February at the earliest).

So while I cannot promise that your birthday card will be punctual, I can say that I intend to get it to you in a reasonable amount of time.

And I’m already feeling accomplished in 2015: I’ve set some Core Desired Feelings, I’ve embarked on a mentorship, and I filled out my damn calendar. And it’s only Jan. 2! I’ve totally got this thing down.


  1. says

    For me, January is okay. I think I’m still tired from Christmas and just don’t care. It’s February I hate. It’s usually dark and dreary and all the bills seem to come due. Seriously, you are wise beyond your years. I wish I’d hat this kind of insight in my thirties.

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